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Living in the Residue

June 11, 2014 7 Comments


Nicholas U. June 5, 2006-April 11, 2014

I don’t know how good this poem is or isn’t. I have to be honest and I say I haven’t even tried to revise it so forgive me if its bumpy. My son died on April 11, 2014 and this is the first thing I was able to write after my world went dark. I have so much to say and no words with which to say it. I don’t know if those words exist. Maybe its just sounds with which I could express this sense of loss. It’s a strange mix of loss and gratitude. Gratitude for having known him or having had the opportunity to learn from him and be loved by him.

Living in the Residue

There is nothing where you used to be.
Open spaces.
Intolerable moments of silence.
They pass through gently
like ribbons
at the end of a dancers hand.
We move through the residue
of everything you left behind.
The light.
The dark.
The wind carries us
with no purpose;
longing for you to be in this space
the place you used be
knowing we must go on
without you
because you showed us how to
and its all we have
to offer to you in return
for the living, laughter,
and love you gave us.

by Leenadria

Rest my sweet angel. You will be forever loved and forever missed. I will continue to carry forward your legacy as promised. “The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep. And miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep.”-Robert Frost. These words live inside of me now. 



Walk A Day in My Shoes

April 4, 2014

Sidewalk art my the boys did together a few years ago. Cancer is such a disgusting disease. I don’t know if there are eloquent words to express this sentiment. I just pray for grace and mercy as we journey through the more difficult times we are facing. 

Just 10 more minutes…

January 25, 2014


I’d like to pull the sun down

like a window shade.

Just fold blue sky over it

until it’s night again,

and I’m tucked in again

dreaming of him again.

Nothing needs to happen today

that can’t happen tomorrow.

Tuck the bright lights away.

Pull the night up over me

because he was dancing with me;

twirling, romancing with me.

While the morning protests

it will not fold back into night,

just yet…

© 2014 Leenadria

Of Faith in the Valley

November 25, 2012

Of Faith in the Valley

Your perfect love, a limitless valley.

You submit and give unknowingly.

Bearing unfairly weighted burdens,

in each moment without pretense.

You live with exhilaration, and

though the days have aged our

sensibilities, somehow  our spirituality,

you draw us into Him.

In spite of ourselves, we find ourselves-


Intense warmth. Recognition.

Knowing He sees us. Proving His truth,

the reality of His stake in us.

Desperate attempts to ignore Him

in disapproval of this chosen task.

Our souls scream at the incompatibility.

Yet you complain not.

Only asking with an outreached hand

that we stand with you.

You open yourself willingly;

unconcerned with that which is to come.

We watch. We think we can feel.

Desperate prayers pour from our mouths

over you, consume you. With our eyes,

we ask too much. Your hand on my face.

Your love reciprocated again.

You give; and we will continue to take;

to delight in you; to bathe in your

laughter. Our delicate bridge.

A bond to Him, we have thus far

been unable to deny.

© 2011 Leenadria